Explosive behaviors, to resort to the titular language that I'm uncomfortable with but don't have an easy alternative to, are not about permissive parents or willful children, but rather about a gap between the situation at hand and the child's current emotional/social skill set. We haven't gotten that far yet, but the book's description of my son is so spot on that I am hopeful the method will work. The Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems (ASLUP) was enlightening for my husband and me.

Some believe that if consequences the child has received for his explosions haven’t stopped him exploding, it must be because they didn’t cause the child enough pain. Greene and his colleagues consult extensively to families, schools, inpatient psychiatry units, and residential and juvenile detention facilities, and lecture widely throughout the world (visit www.That means both of you can do what you’re agreeing to do, and the solution has addressed the concerns identified in steps 1 and 2.

In other words, they lack the basic vocabulary of words that express feeling, so they don’t have the arsenal of words to tell you that they’re frustrated. Invitation: Finally, you invite your child to collaborate on a solution that is realistic and satisfactory to everyone. At no point did I ever accept this as a real option and because I did not I cannot really say that this method doesn't work overall because I didn't really employ it. Greene says that these kids don't do it for attention - they actually lack the emotional/mental flexibility development to predict. He just needs to step up to the plate — this is not possible because the child does not have the skills to do this.

It sends the clear message that your point of view is the only one that matters, and that her point of view won’t be heard or taken into account. As a parent who has gone the sticker chart route too many times, I ruefully recognized Greene's description of children who become obsessed with the reward without really learning much from the steps required to get there. It is hard not to feel the child is being manipulative or something like that, but the author works hard to remind you that it is more complicated than that, and that is a good thing, because it makes his approach possible. For some children, switching mindsets (from play time to dinner time or what have you) is overwhelming. The book contains valuable information and supports a flexible-yet-consistent parenting approach, which is as important to preserve sanity as it is to help certain children.

Greene was on the faculty at Harvard Medical School for over 20 years, and is now founding director of the non-profit Lives in the Balance ( www. Many children’s irritability and anxiety can be traced back to chronic problems that have perpetually gone unsolved.It presents a framework for dealing with their behavior and finding a way to teach children *how* to behave appropriately, and to stop believing they don't *want* to do well ("kids do well if they can"). If your child had the skills to handle disagreements and changes in plan and adults setting limits and demands being placed on him without falling apart, he’d be handling these challenges adaptively. At first blush, this collaborative approach can look a bit like “giving in” to bad behaviour or relinquishing parental authority, but Dr. The "Plan B" approach that Greene explains seems like it would only work for children ages 10 and up.