And when my husband, who has watched me read for 11+ years now and has never once asked me to read something, asks me to read this book, what can I say?

Perhaps because of this, more and more people are starting to feel that they are superior to others and their needs are more important than those of the people around them. I think that it will take time (and probably some re-reading) to use the jargon effectively in my mind - phrase like "self-betrayal" and "being in the box" still don't roll off the tongue, if you know what I mean. Remember that self-deception doesn’t come from what you do but rather what you think and feel about others. Last year I read Anatomy of Peace and figured it made sense to close the circle on the "box" and read the book that started the whole Arbinger/Self-Deception/Leadership thing.

Her story is at once tragic and uplifting, illuminating the foundational principles that govern any effort to work with those who are in need. The moment you see another human being as a person, with needs, hopes, and worries as real and legitimate as your own, you are out of the box toward them. Instead of focusing on producing results, many leaders are trapped “in the box” of distorted thinking—they blame others to justify their own failures and can’t see how they themselves are a problem. So I read this back in college because Terry Warner (the author of Bonds That Make Us Free on whose ideas this book is based) was my freshman year philosophy professor. Even if his wife has the same thoughts at the same time, both of them would suffer in the end from lack of sleep.

Through a business fable, this book tells leaders how to get “out of the box”—but you don’t have to be a leader to use the principles to change your life and workplace. Left unchecked, self-deception corrupts our families and organizations, driving away the most important people in our lives. It’s not easy to beat this because you actively look for reasons to justify your reasoning to protect your desires.Seeing your own needs as more important than those of others makes you forget they are people just like you. You may for example start wondering why it should be you who gets up, when you also need your sleep. You are inflating your own needs and wishes above the needs of others, and this will lead you to blame them. For inexperienced me, though, it made my brain work hard and I still keep having to ask my husband questions about how to apply the ideas.

But this kind of distorted worldview cannot stand on its own, as it will be inevitably challenged by reality. He saw himself as more important and everyone else and their needs as secondary (he was deluded or self-deceived).Still it is worth a quick, skimming-through-it read to get the key messages and to see where you are falling into these traps as a leader.

And while it is really nice that the employer is going to think of me as a person, and not just a cog, it might also be nice if I had a living wage and, yeah, maybe some meaningful work too. You can apply the concept of self-deception to (1) interviewing and hiring, (2) leadership and team building, (3) conflict resolution, (4) accountability transformation, (5) personal growth and development, and (6) marriage and parenting. It is also a MUST read for leaders in business, especially if you are involved in Network Marketing. If we don't pay attention to these moments of self-betrayal, we easily drift into our own, self-serving stories. Leadership and Self-Deception explains how self-deception derails personal relationships and keeps organizations and leaders from achieving the results they want.Some concepts seemed, like Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change, to repackage theological and ethical arguments I am very familiar with. Applicant interviewing and hiring: Ask job applicants to read; then discuss the concepts and how they apply to company practices and expectations. Regardless of what management technique you use, people pick up on and respond to the feelings behind your actions (your feelings toward them). Early on, Arbinger’s growth was fueled solely by clients who spread the word about Arbinger’s impact. Leadership and Self-Deception explains that this mentality is in fact a form of self-deception, and very harmful to our private and professional lives.