i felt like the key to this book was about the importance of mindfulness and unconditional love. also that the hard work is sitting with your feelings and releasing them. The problem with shame is that we have absorbed incorrect conclusions about ourselves, based on the past actions or reactions of a trusted loved one. These conclusions tend to be quite intense and persistent, with a nagging voice that they are the ultimate truth, and anything else we tell ourselves is just a lie to make ourselves feel better. The core idea is the same: Keeping searchable notes is essential for returning to ideas easily. An idea is only useful if you can find it when you need it. 4. Combine Knowledge Trees Avery Neal, MA, LPC, author of If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad?: Recognizing and Overcoming Subtle Abuse This doesn’t happen on purpose, it’s just a coping mechanism when a trusted loved one rejects or harms us in a very confusing way. Even if we point our fingers and say, “No, you’re bad!” the damage is already done.”

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It’s not your job to manage the emotions of others. It’s an exhausting role that may offer temporary bursts of self-worth, but ultimately will drain the life out of you.

One way to improve reading comprehension is to choose books you can immediately apply. Putting the ideas you read into action is one of the best ways to secure them in your mind. Practice is a very effective form of learning. Carl Jung wrote: “The foundation of all mental illness is the unwillingness to experience legitimate suffering.” In Chapter 1 of Atomic Habits, I wrote: “Learning one new idea won’t make you a genius, but a commitment to lifelong learning can be transformative.”

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While reading The Tell-Tale Brain by neuroscientist V.S. Ramachandran, I discovered that one of his key points connected to a previous idea I learned from social work researcher Brené Brown. Nassim Taleb sums things up with a rule for all readers: “A good book gets better at the second reading. A great book at the third. Any book not worth rereading isn’t worth reading.” Where to Go From Here As I read Mastery by George Leonard, I realized that while this book was about the process of improvement, it also shed some light on the connection between genetics and performance. The mind’s default protective reaction is to focus on the story. Many people dealing with trauma can repeat their story a million times in crystal-clear detail. With mindfulness, we want to shift away from the story and start focusing on the sensations in our body. As we do this, we may try to create stories around the sensation (“I must feel this sensation because of X happening in my childhood or because of Y relationship”). Again, just use your mindfulness to become aware of that storytelling, and begin making the slow move toward body awareness.This is a good book for anyone who believes in just getting over it; Someone not interested in years of counseling and discussing the past. This book fit my healing and growth style. I understand we all have to go about it in different ways. Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, founder of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT), and author of Wired for Loveand We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love Of course, this is only true if you internalize and remember insights from the books you read. Knowledge will only compound if it is retained. In other words, what matters is not simply reading more books, but getting more out of each book you read. Reading a book takes effort, but too often, people use one book or one article as the basis for an entire belief system. This is even more true (and more difficult to overcome) when it comes to using our one, individual experience as the basis for our beliefs. As Morgan Housel noted, “Your personal experiences make up maybe 0.00000001% of what’s happened in the world but maybe 80% of how you think the world works. We’re all biased to our own personal history.” 5 If you only read one book on a topic and use that as the basis for your beliefs for an entire category of life, well, how sound are those beliefs? How accurate and complete is your knowledge?